19、我没什么才华吧(1 / 1)
回忆频频扰
神魔沽傲
0 字
2021-03-13
我没什么才华吧,如果我有什么才华,我怎么会沦落到这样的境地?其实,我也是有点才华的,人怎么能没点才华呢!只是我这么多年养成了懒惰的坏习惯,我在逐渐失去我的才华,都说懒得人大多是没才华的,因为有才华的话,人是不想变懒的,可此时此刻的我却只有附骨之疽的慵懒与荒唐。
我想写本不世名著,可是我把心血倾尽也刻画不出人物细致的心理活动,也没出众的想象力,完善不了所构建的世界背景,我没特殊的经历来参照。
我想发掘音乐能力,可是我天生嗓音不全,难辨哆来咪发唆,也学不会弹琴,也学不会弹吉他。
我想拓宽我写诗的广度,也想刨深我写诗的层次,可是多年来,却依旧在打油诗的边缘徘徊,我一直都描述不出那壮美的意境,也缺乏规矩的格律来遵循,往往写得都不如人意。
我想练就秋名山车神的水平,想开一手漂亮的车技,想领略极速的风光,可是我学车时分外死板,教练讥讽,学员嘲笑,虽然最终关关过,侥幸拿到了驾照,可是我还是开不好车。
我想变成畅游大江大河的弄潮儿,可是我只会仰泳,只会狗刨,只敢在浸埋到我脖子深浅的水中“称王称霸”,而同游的伙伴却都在深水区里浪里白条...
我想做得有很多,我想做好的也有很多,我做过的事情也有很多,可我没几个做得尽善尽美,做得令自己满意,我一直都在矬逼的道路上荒唐年华,成了众人的笑柄,我没什么才华吧。
都说燕子与大雁可以飞掠池塘与天空,蝴蝶与蜜蜂可以翩跹花园与草丛,游鱼与闲虾可以逡巡池水与碧泓,而我只会幻想、瞎想与乱想。我在孩童时代时曾假装如燕子一般自由自在,又幻想如大雁一般南北飞驰,更羡慕如游鱼一般逡巡逍遥。可是年龄在长大,我慢慢的接触到了最伤人的真相。慢慢的我发现,我只是一个很普通,特普通,超级普通的人,我没改变我的命运,我恣意妄为换来的是别人的冷眼相待以及我每日每日心底隐隐不安的蹉跎,我从没什么实践吧。
在年少轻狂时,我一直都误认为我是个很有才华的人。我搞笑的认为我在高中时代就把化学研究到了高等层次,以后就可以做个化学家。我也天真的认为若我一直坚持练笔,坚持摘词炼句,以后就能当个书写众生百相、游离在人间爱恨情仇聚散离合之外的作家。可是我做到了,在大学毕业后,我真成了一个“坐家”,坐在家里的废物。我家里蹲,我逃避社会,我开始啃老,我辜负父母对我那热切期待的心,我开始惴惴不安,开始惶惶不可终日。我更天真的认为我大学时好好学习医学,我以后就能当个好医生,可是大学时我却发现对学医真没什么特大兴趣,我坚持不住整日背书,整天走在考试的路上,我没什么坚持吧,也从没怎么规划过吧。
以前李家祖宗曾说过“天生我材必有用,千金散尽还复来”,可在千百年后的现代,在经历了很多个失眠的夜晚,某位李家后生却滋生惝恍的状态。其实这些年里我一直都有自省,有思考,有在思考人生的得与失,一直都想出人头地,一直都想改变我悲惨的命运轨迹。可是我并没一技之长,并没有能拿的出手的本事,也没什么特别好听使人称羡的工作,更没对象没结婚没房没车没存款。如果不是这些年里我爸妈一直默默帮我扛着前方的压力,也许我会因为我没本事、没才华、又懒散而变成一个光鲜亮丽的乞丐。这么多年了,我竟然还做不到养活我自己,更遑论以后去养家糊口,去孝顺父母了,如果接下来我不去改变我的懒散与荒唐,那我就没什么未来吧。
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